There’s this homeless young man—23 years of age and one of the nicest guys I have ever met—who is friends with Richard named Quentin. He’s been coming by the apartment pretty sporadically for about four months looking for Richard, who always seems to be away when he stops by. He rings the doorbell, asks if Richard is home, I say no and then he asks me for some money or food, clothes or to use my phone. I happily oblige only because he just has the most humble personality I think I have ever seen in a person. He told me a little about himself yesterday—about how he’s been homeless off and on for quite some time, hustling and grinding, trying to make a come-up. He’s planning on attending Baltimore City Community College or Job Corps soon and he’s working on a mix tape. And it’s not like he wants a pity party. He’s been sleeping in the laundry room downstairs and doesn’t want me to tell Richard because he doesn’t want him to worry.
Well, here’s where things get a little kinky. I seem to get a hard-on whenever he comes around. He’s quite easy on the eyes and he’s very much a conversationalist. He’s quite charming and very polite and I seem to go for guys like that. He told me that he wants kids of his own and how he was taking very good care of his brother’s kids for a while and I can tell he would be an awesome dad. Other than his mental disability—schizophrenia—I really can’t seem to dictate a flaw, although I’m pretty sure there’s more to the picture than he’s letting on. He has somehow contributed to his unfortunate circumstances—I’m just guessing—but I’ve spent many nights praying for him. Quentin always tells me that the God will bless me but he just doesn’t know how much of a blessing he’s been to me.
To cut to the chase, I made a pass at him last night while he was sleeping on the couch. I can’t believe I even had the guts to do so. That has got to be the first time I’ve ever done so. (Well I made a pass at him back in September but it was way too subtle for him to even notice.) While he was in his deep sleep, I put my lips up to his. He didn’t respond right away. It took him a few seconds to come to and he turned me down. “I don’t want to get shot.” “It’s alright,” I said. He said, “Naw, I know the people Richard hangs around.” At that point I grabbed his crotch and said, “Are you sure?” “Yeah.” He at least gave me a kiss and he told me that this would stay between us two.
Wow! Am I that horny? I think so and I’m pretty unhappy with my current circumstances. I really don’t want to be with Richard anymore and we are currently in a rush trying to find an apartment. It seems like we’ll never find anyplace better or even equal to where we are living now. It’s just a mess because he lives paycheck to paycheck with no savings and we really can’t even afford to move. The only reason why he even has a security deposit is because he’s skipping out on November’s rent. I really can’t tell you where his money goes but it’s really none of my business. He’s been providing for me full time since February and he doesn’t even expect me to help with the payment on a new apartment. In all, I can’t really complain.
Well, if you think about I really can. We fuss and fight like cats and dogs and it’s becoming a daily occurrence. And it’s all because he won’t listen—and because he’s dumb as all hell. I swear if I had it, I would leave him in the dust. However, it’s that kind of thinking that is not helping the relationship one bit. Teon called me again last night. I didn’t answer so he sent a text message my way. The only thing is I have no clue what the text message entailed only because I only receive the first letter of any texts I receive on my main cell phone. What kind of shit is that? Reachout Wireless says that I need a new cell phone but I don’t see how that would help much. Too bad I can’t afford one at the moment. I’m praying that I get approved for cash assistance under the Temporary Disability Assistance Program. I’m also begging Jesus for a new job. Yet I know that all things come in due time. Jesus always seems to surprise me with a blessing especially when my funds are low, so I’m really counting on it real soon. I know that he will never leave me or forsake me.