what's keith SO EMBARRASSED ABOUT?

Wow.  I think I just witnessed the most embarrassing moment of my life. I was called out for stealing makeup at Walgreen's.  I mean in front of the whole store and staff.  So here's what happened...

Normally when I step into Walgreen's, I go through the cosmetics aisle first.  I browse through the makeup and skin care, put my selections in my basket, and head to the candy aisle.  While in the candy aisle, I hide the cosmetics on my person.  I then make a few candy selections and head for the register.  Well, I did the same today, however this time there was a young lady waiting at the line for me.  After waiting a few seconds, she says, "Did you take any makeup?" and I said, "No".  "If I check you right now, you wouldn't have anything on you?" and again I said, "No".  "Well,we've been watching you for awhile and you're the one who's been stealing the makeup.  We got you on camera.  Make this the last time you come in here because next time we're calling the police and you will not leave the store until the police come."  I said nothing while everyone in the store was staring at me.  Yeah, talk about embarrassed.  I maintained my composure though.  Normally in situations like that I shake uncontrollably but not this time.  I remained calm, cool, and collected.  Yet, I'm still embarrassed for being caught out there.

So, I'm officially barred from Walgreen's.  This is the first time that I've been blacklisted from a store.  The crazy thing is that I knew they were onto me.  Whenever I would walk into the store, I would hear, "Security please scan all aisles" through the intercom. What a scenario?  I feel so bad about it.  Well, at least I didn't catch a case.  That's something I'll be thankful for today as I read my bible.

is keith WORKING?

For the second time since I've been living at the shelter, someone has stolen something from me.  This time it was my sleeping pills.  I had placed the bottle on my mat before I took a shower.  Once I returned, the bottle was missing.  I'm not upset though. I stole the sleeping pills from Target and now someone stole them from me.  Karma at its best.

And I should also note that before I took my shower, an older Caucasian male asked, "Are you working?" and I replied,"Not right now".  While in the moment, I thought he was asking if I was currently employed but on second thought, I think he was asking if I was a prostitute.  In fact, I'm now pretty sure that's what he meant.  I could be wrong but my instincts are normally right.  I guess I look like a ho on the stroll.  Well, I'll take that over looking like a washed up, overweight, old and ugly hasbeen.  I'm just saying.

keith, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?

So, I called Glenda concerning the text message she sent me.  It was a rather short conversation lasting all of one minute and fifty-eight seconds because she had another call she had to take.  Well, when she called back I was in a meeting with Mr. Eldridge Branch, another Case Manager who might have some great options for me which I'll share later. But she sent another elaborate text.  Here goes...

I'm gettn n shower but we need to talk. I was saying a year ago u didn't comm or come over but now u come only for what u need comp, $ n wash. U never ask or volunteer to do anything for me. Yard work or ask if u can help at other houses or how they r coming. U all about u n I'm not going to be used like that. I luv u n want for u but way u treat me makes me want to limit help.

Alright.  No I have to go in on that ass.  How the fuck am I going to help her around the house when I have to be back at the shelter at 02:20 PM?  When I do decide to go by the house, I basically give up my spot at the shelter which means that I'm not guaranteed a spot when I get back.  So that's No. 1. No. 2, I don't care for her or to hear about how her other houses are coming along. It's not like she asks how I'm doing.  But I guess she wants me to feed her some bullshit and act like I care.  So, I guess I'll start spoon feeding her BS.

I don't know where to go with this.  She claims she doesn't want a relationship with me but gets mad when I don't check in on her.  She doesn't know what the hell she wants, but I know that I don't want her in my life.  Period.

keith, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?

I have to share this text that I received at 04:27 AM from Glenda.  Brace yourself.  Okay, here goes...

U can't come here any more to wash or use computer. N u have to get r clothes n things by end of may. I'm letting friend of Ken stay while worming [working] n balt, the way u treat fam n all- I feel like u use to b my son. Beat wishes 4 summer. I'm tired of it all. Better when u didn't contact me, luv u but feel it's only one sided n I'm tired of the things I discuss. I'm ok w u.

Yeah.  I don't even know how to respond to this one.  I think I'm just going to sit on it for awhile.  She'll allow Kenneth's friend who she doesn't really know stay with her, however she won't allow me to live with her anymore.  It's all cool though.  Sooner than later she won't have to deal with me at all.  I don't want anything to do with her or anyone who is still in contact with her.  I am so tired of this bull shit.

what's keith SO EXCITED ABOUT?

Today, instead of sitting around at the shelter all day, I decided to go out.  I ate a small dinner at Lexington Market around 04:30PM, and then I went to the library.  Once the Central Library closed at 07:00 PM, I decided to take a stroll through the Inner Harbor to kill time as well as use the bathroom.  After using the only public bathroom that I know of which is near the Phillips restaurant, I made the biggest discovery ever.  An H&M is coming to the Inner Harbor and by the looks of it, it's going to be HUGE.  I am so excited. When I saw the H&M sign, I almost had an orgasm.  I am definitely going to apply for a job there.  If you're interested at working at H&M with me, click HERE.

what's keith LISTENING TO?

Are y'all doing the Kimmy Girl Rock?  I know I am.  I haven't heard a song this good from Lil Kim since her La Belle La Mafia days.  Kim, you could still use some of my make up tips though.  I still love you. 

who's keith CURSING OUT?

Get a load of this.  Glenda just texted me less than twenty minutes ago saying, "Hi do u have 30 fd stamps I could buy".  Bitch, considering the predicament I'm in, what makes you think I have any food stamps to spare?  Huh?  Plus, you fucking work and you disconnect the electricity and gas meter every month so it's not like your bills are high.  No, Bitch I don't.  I know you all see why I can't stand her dumb ass.

what's keith DOING AT THE JHR SHELTER?

Teon hasn't checked on me much at all for the past month.  In fact, he has hardly checked on me since I've been here.  The fact of the matter is that his time is probably consumed by a new boy toy that he's infecting with HIV.  It doesn't even matter in the least bit.  I don't think I can consider Teon as a friend.  Remember, he knew I was living at the shelter before I even told him but he didn't even check in on me or hasn't done anything to help.  For the record, he did offer to help by offering money.  I told him that I would accept his monetary assistance, but he never pulled through.  I once heard someone from Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew once state, "If someone is not there for you in a time of need, then they don't belong in your life".  And if that holds true, then Teon doesn't deserve my acquaintance.

I think I should mention Glenda tonight as she is also on my mind.  Whenever I see her, she always asks a ton of questions about the shelter and its operations.  And I don't believe she asks questions out of concern but rather just sheer nosiness.  I say this because when I answer her dumb ass questions, she either laughs or smiles at my response in disbelief. Bitch, there's nothing to smile about. She's such a cunt and I can't stand her.  I feel so uncomfortable around her and I don't even want a relationship with her.  She constantly tells me that she loves me and I always say, "Alright".  For 1. I don't believe that she loves me, 2. I no longer love her, and 3. I never will.  Period.

what's keith DOING OUTSIDE OF THE JHR SHELTER?

Remember when I first mentioned the term "downsize".  Well that was a false alarm.  Today, however, it's the real thing.  So I'm now waiting outside with all of my stuff. We can enter the building again at 03:00 PM which really means 05:00 PM after waiting in line. In the meantime, the staff is busy throwing away stuff that people left in the building.  Talk about drama.  Imagine the scene when these people come back tonight and discover that their stuff has been discarded.  All hell is going to break loose.  Can we say "Dumpster Diving Olympics".

what's keith's SUDDEN REVELATION?

Tonight, I had a sudden revelation.  And this comes only after reading Playing for Keeps by Joan Lowery Nixon.  In the novel, Nixon mentions The Titanic and how Rose was pretty sure that she found her one true love when she met Jack; however things came to an end when Jack died holding her hand. As devastating as that might have been for Rose, we can assume she loved again.  "Remember, in the movie, she was a grandmother," Glorie tells Rosie in the novel.  With that being said, I came to the revelation that I too will love again.  So I shouldn't stress over my prior love loss.  And when this true love comes, I'm pretty sure it'll be more consistent than the love I shared with Tuhir Smith, it'll have more passion than the love I had for Curtis Durham, it'll be more sane than the love I shared with Lance Coadie Williams, and it'll be more honest than the love I shared with Teon Jackson.  Because of this, that love will be much stronger than any love I'll ever share with another human being.  Good night.

what's keith DOING AT THE JHR SHELTER?

So I have a correction to make. James doesn't have 6 kids.  He has none.  I don't know how I got that information from one of our prior conversations.  He stopped by the shelter yesterday and we talked for a good minute.  He told me what was on his mind at the time of which I really don't feel like getting into, but he's doing fine.  He's been shacking up with his 40-year-old-soon-to-be-girlfriend for the last week.

And remember that fight he was in last week.  I have more information.  Apparently he beat up a staff member.  The staff member swung on him first and James fucked him up.  The staff member lost his job over the whole ordeal. Something else I also found out yesterday was that half of the staff members here are members of a substance abuse program called the Currington House. 

On to other news... I have not heard back from Christopher Place. Fuck CP.

On to other news... Remember Paul.  Yeah?  Well, he treated me to McDonald's yesterday. I guess you have to call it a date.  He's a nice guy.  He's sitting next to me as I write.  He stopped by to ask me to urinate in an empty shampoo bottle so that he can pass his drug test tomorrow.  He gave me $3 for my urine.  I learned a lot about him yesterday.  Besides being a sweetheart, he's a troubled old guy in need of a psychologist.  I'll spare you all the boring details.

And something else I thought I should note... James is a remarkable young man.  I would definitely date him if given the chance.  He's another sweetheart always putting others, especially his past girlfriends, before himself.  He's also very driven, loyal, and well hung according to him.  I just thought I would add that in there.  Again, not that I'm interested.

Just one more thing I thought I would note... I'm feeling very smothered right now.  I'm exhausted and I'm tired of being the center of every ones attention.  And yes, I'm talking about Paul.  Man.  I just want some alone time.  Damn.  LEAVE ME ALONE!

who stood keith UP THIS TIME?

Glenda has got to be the stupidest person to ever have a conversation with.  In fact, she's one of the dumbest people I know, even dumber than Teon.  You see, she was supposed to bring my things to me at 09:00 AM.  Do you think she showed?  Hell no.  (She's unreliable also, but that's a topic for another time.)  So, I had to walk all the way over to Lexington Market to use the pay phone because my cell phone is dead and of course, I don't have the charger. 

Having a conversation with her is like having a conversation with an invalid or a two-year-old.  I have to repeat myself several times and she doesn't ever seem to grasp what it is that I'm saying.  And better yet, she seems to dream up words in a conversation that were never said.  On top of all of this, I have to spell everything out for her. With all that being said, I'm currently waiting outside in the cold for her arrival.  She's supposed to be here by 10:10 AM and it is now 10:30 AM.  I am so done with her dumb ass.  I see why I went MIA on that bitch in the first place.  She'll get what's coming to her.  When her old ass needs help getting to her chemotherapy sessions, she better not ask for my help.  Shit.  If it's up to me, I'm shipping her ass off to the nearest nursing home.

who's keith CALLING OUT?

If I said it once, I will now say it again.  Glenda is a BITCH.  Enough said.

On another note... I don't know what the fuck I was thinking today.  I sent Kenny a text that reads, "I Love U". And his response was "Aww, I thought u went speaking to me".  And he's right I shouldn't be speaking to his dumb ass.  He has yet to apologize. In fact, I will no longer refer to Kenny as Kenny, but rather by his government name, Teon Eric Jackson.  He got the name Kenny because he claims he looked like a Ken doll when he was younger. I'm sure that's a lie. Good looks do not run in his family.  It's probably more like that butch queen was playing with Barbie and Ken dolls.  Enough said.

why is keith WAITING AT THE JHR SHELTER?

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM and that problem is that I might not be joining CP after all. Guess what I found out last night around 9:00 PM? That I was supposed to check in for CP at 9:00 AM.  Imagine my surprise when I showed up at CP last night. Talk about a major communication fuck up. So now my admittance into the program is waiting in the wings. This is some bull shit and at this point, I really don't care if they take me or not. Judging by their staff and operations, they are highly unprofessional. They don't call when they say they will and now I'm being held accountable for not picking up a phone call when I wasn't expecting their call. I'm just so done. I can't believe that I have to put up with this bull from an employment program of all places. If Christopher Place won't have me, then they don't deserve me. I'm pretty sure that I don't need them to make it. Their just wasting my damn time. This is Keith signing out on their sorry ass.

who's hitting on keith AT THE JHR SHELTER?

That guy that was staring at me earlier ended up hitting on me.  He's another old guy.  Forty-six years of age to be exact.  I gave him my number anyway.  I said that we could possibly be friends.  It's funny because he said he would have to start frequenting this shelter since I was here.  I then told him that I would be leaving tomorrow and that I would be residing at Christopher Place.  He seemed to know about that program by the way.  He asked if I would be able to leave out whenever I wanted at CP.  I informed him that I wouldn't be able to and that I would be on lock down for the first three months.  He then says, "Well, you're worth waiting three months for."  Flattering, right?  His name is Paul.

And then I was kind of hit on by another guy later.  He said that he really wanted to talk to me which only meant that he wants to hit on me.  Y'all recognize game.  His name is Amos.  Now I wouldn't mind getting to know this guy.  He's from New York and he has a tainted past.  Well, who here doesn't have a tainted past?  I was looking forward to talking to him but he was instructed to go to "overflow" before we could officially rap.  Maybe we'll talk tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a nice guy after I let him use my cell phone on two occasions.  He's kind of cute in an "old guy" kind of way.  I hope we talk tomorrow morning.

Also, Amos seemed to know about Christopher Place as well.  Why does everyone seem to know about CP?  I'm starting to get a little skeptical.  I haven't even thanked God for this opportunity yet because I don't know if this experience will be a blessing or a curse.  I'm supposed to check in at CP tomorrow night.  The thing is that if the program doesn't work out, I won't be able to come back to JHR.  I know.  That sucks, right?  So much for a back-up.  According to JHR policy, once placed in stable housing, one cannot benefit from JHR services.  I signed that agreement last Friday. 

But you know what?  I'll thank God anyway.  I'm looking forward to this experience.  I guess it can only be for the better.  I just hope this lock down business goes smoothly.  Psst.  I'm going to try to sneak my phone in.  Wish me luck.  Tootles for now.

who's keith CHECKING OUT?

So before I get to the meat and potatoes of this post, I just have to comment on this guy that has been staring at me for the last hour.  And every time I turn to look in his direction, he looks away.  To be honest, I've gotten used to being stared at.  I stick out like a sore thumb and I am a certified TEN, so it comes with the territory.  

Okay, I'll admit it.  Today, in the shower room as I was painting my face, I am guilty of checking a guy out.  Now, I know all guys look at each other in the shower room.  I think it's only natural, but I just had to sneak a peak at this guy for some reason.  He's the only guy I've seen here with a bangin' body.  He has a medium build and his body is very toned and muscular.  I'm talking chest, buttocks, thighs, arms... all on point.  I even got a little bit of an erection.  Plus, he's dark-skinned and taller than I.  Man, I'll certainly be thinking about him when I masturbate tonight.  Now to be honest, if he came out of the blue and asked for some of these cookies, I would have definitely given it a second thought.  Although, he ultimately would have been DENIED. 

Damn.  Why can't guys like that hit on me?  All I ever get are ZEROES.

who's keith TURNING DOWN?

It happened again today.  I was excessively hit on by another old guy and he just wouldn't take NO for an answer.  I don't get it.  Do these hasbeens really think I have a problem getting dick?  Or better yet, what pleasure do they think I'll get from them?  Come on guys.  They actually think I might even be the slightest bit interested in putting out.  These guys need to get a clue, especially this one in particular.  He kept following me from shower room to restroom practically begging for some.  He even offered to suck my dick and I declined.  He said he would try again tomorrow and I said, "I doubt it."  [Deep breath]  Just another problem for the young and gorgeous.  Isn't it great to be me?  (That question is rhetorical.)

why is keith BEING INTERVIEWED?

Because I'm now a member of a program.  The program is called the Chrisopher Place Employment Academy.  It's a transitional/permanent housing employment program for formely homeless men.  I'm pretty surprised that they even accepted me in the first place.  I'm no where near the nut cases that really need the program.  Although, it's really a great program, I'm just a little apprehensive because during the first three to four months, I will be on lock down.  That means no cell phone, no internet, no leaving, no nothing.  And that's three to four months that I could be using to work and save money for school in the fall.  Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a hiatus from you all.  I'm sure it'll be worth it anyhow.

what's keith DOING?



what's keith LISTENING TO?

The shades have turned to black and white.
Every color disappears when you are not here.
Our rainbow turns to black and white.
Can we resolve it? We gotta get over it.



"Rainbow" by Keke Palmer

who's keith CALLING OUT?

So, take a look at a screen capture of Kenny's A4A profile.

Did you notice that it claims that he is HIV Negative, which would have to be the biggest lie ever.  Kenny has AIDS.  I can't say that I blame him though.  It's tough admitting to a positive HIV status, even today.  I confronted Kenny about it and he told another one of his lies.  He claims that he did not put it on there.  Either way, he knows about it and made no attempt to alter his profile.  As you can see, Kenny is still being deceptive, as always.  Nothing has changed.  And Kenny always loves to point the finger at someone else.  How dare he?

  "He's climbing in yo' windows.  He's snatchin' yo' people up... so y'all need to hide your kids, hide yo' wife and hide yo' husbands cuz they rapin' e'rybody out here."  LOL.  Now while I'm no Antoine Dodson and Kenny is no rapist, I only say this to remind you all to take care of yourselves because there are plenty of liars and deceivers out there much like Kenny and yours truly.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  No one cares for you more than you.  Be careful.

what's keith DOING AT THE JHR SHELTER?

Okay.  James is back.  He just signed in for a meal ticket.  I guess he talked it over with staff and they allowed him to stay.  I'm guessing he wasn't in a physical fight but a verbal altercation.  Who knows?  I wouldn't dare ask him.

FYI.  His full name Hames Dean (not exactly sure how to spell his last name).  Only reason I know is because he was just called into the office by staff.

And I think I spoke too soon.  Maybe he was forced to leave.  He hasn't come back.

what's keith DOING AT THE JHR SHELTER?

I'm sitting in a chair next to the wall while reading Gallow's Hill by Lois Duncan, when I start to see several staff members run towards the restroom.  Apparently, a fight popped off and guess who was involved.  James.  I know.  When I saw him exit the bathroom with the staff demanding him to exit the building, my heart stopped.  I was thinking No, not James.  I just hope he'll be able to get back in.  Although, according to JHR Shelter policy, any such acts of violence requires immediate and permanent expulsion.

what's keith WATCHING?

what's keith READING?

I just have to comment on the 20 page ROCAWEAR spread featuring Trey Songz in the February 2011/ March 2011 issue of Vibe magazine.  And before I talk about the spread, isn't this whole new ownership of Vibe taking us all on a trip?  The fact that the old owners wouldn't release active subscriptions to the new owners is straight up bull shit.  Imagine my surprise when I saw this issue in the mail.  I have been a loyal subscriber to Vibe ever since I was a junior in high school and when the new owners took over, I stopped receiving the magazine in the mail even though I had a paid subscription.  Shame on Vibe.  If you ask me, Vibe magazine is dead anyway.  I'm just saying.

Okay, back to this lame ass spread.  True, some of the clothes featured in the spread are hot, but Trey Songz is not.  I mean, how many photographs do we really need to see of Trey Songz and his perched lips.  The only decent shot is of Trey playing soccer with a group of kids.  Those two pages should have been the ad in a nutshell.  I know Trey Songz stans would beg to differ, however is anyone even thinking about going out and copping some ROCAWEAR scraps after taking a look at this spread.  I didn't think so.  If you ask me, ROCAWEAR is dead.  Again, I'm just saying.  And you all know I'm telling the truth.  H&M and Forever21 are holding it down.  Aren't they?

who does keith AGREE WITH?

I couldn't have said it better myself.  I used to think having a boyfriend would make everything better.  But I now realize that being in a relationship does not bring happiness.  In fact, it makes everything so much more difficult, if you don't have your shit together once you decide to get into one.  Remember that happiness begins on the inside.

who stood keith UP AGAIN?

You guessed it.  None other than Kenny.  What's his excuse this time?  "Thought u said u didn't want to go out?" he texted at 10:39 PM.  I don't know where he got that from.  I guess he's just like Glenda, always making stuff up during conversation.

And for the record, I really do think Kenny has memory problems.  I don't mean to be mean, but he's not the brightest bulb in the socket.  He's highly unintelligent, his problem-solving skills are well below average, and his communication skills cease to exist.  Furthermore, he loses everything, from his wallet to two sets of keys to his cell phone.  I really do think Kenny needs a mental evaluation.  His mental capacity is not where it should be.  Or maybe he's just plain dumb.  I get the feeling that it runs in his family.

Well, I'm not mad at him.  I'm just highly disappointed, once again.  I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to take me out anyway.  So, I'll leave him alone about it.  In fact, I think I just need to take a break from Kenny for a little while.

[My eyes begin to swell with tears, however none fall from my face.]  I haven't cried since I've been at the shelter.  I keep telling myself to suck it up and be strong.  And that's what I'll continue to do.  I'm just tired of the disappointment by the people around me.  I sort of get why I'm a loner.  I can't depend on anyone, not even myself.

Enough for tonight.  I just took a couple of sleeping pills and hopefully, I can get a good night's sleep.

who's keith STALKING?

About a month ago, I stumbled upon the discovery of a lifetime.  Actor Jensen Atwood's YouTube Channel.  Yeah, I know.  Imagine my surprise.  I almost fainted.  As most of you guys already know, Jensen Atwood is famous for playing Wade in the Noah's Arc TV series and movie.  I actually wonder what he's up to now.  About a year ago I saw him in a Coors Light commercial as well as Toni Braxton's music video for "Hands Tied".  By the way, I think that was one of Toni's best music videos in about a decade, if I do say so myself.  Anyway, here he goes.  On a side note, I love Jensen with short hair.  What am I saying?  He's sexy no matter how long his hair is.

what's keith WATCHING?

The music video for "Far Away" by Marsha Ambrosius is so beautiful and such a breath of fresh air.  It came at a moment when I really needed it.  To be honest, during the past year, I've contemplated sucicide on several occassions.  Like, "how should I do it?", "what's the easiest and less painful way to go?", "would anyone really care?", "should I take others with me?".  These are the thoughts that run through my head often.  And I truly think that the only reason I'm still here is because I haven't got the guts to do it.  Deep inside, I know that sucicide is the easiest way to end all of my problems.  It's the easiest way to end all of my circumstances.  But I also know that it's a permanent solution to only a temporary problem and it's a cowardly thing to do. 

I guess, even through it all, I still have hope.  Hope that things will get better.  I don't seem to see it, but I feel it in my bones.  And that's what keeps me going.  That's why I'm still here.
    

who did keith HAVE LUNCH WITH?

I just got back from having lunch with Kenny.  I know, what a surprise?  He called me around noon and said that he was downtown and wanted to meet me for lunch.  He even offered to pay for the Chinese food I ordered, however, I refused.  It was really good to see him.  I last saw him on November 18, 2010. 

We hardly talked during lunch.  I mean, we didn't converse much.  At one point, I had got so filled with emotion that I almost broke down and cried right in front of him.  I didn't, but it was one heck of a time trying to hold back those tears.  Why did I want to cry?  Well, I always feel like crying.  Where do I ever begin?  I just miss him so much and I honestly don't think anyone ever understands me.  I'm restless and stuck in a rut here at the shelter.  I don't see any progress on my part or better yet, a brighter future.  I'm still mad at Glenda (who I will no longer refer to as mother) and Alice (who I will no longer refer to as grandmother).

{Deep breath.}  I'm just tired of dealing with my problems and I'm honestly tired of writing about them.  I continue to read my Bible daily.  I don't see the point in it, but I do it anyways.  It seems as though my world started to crumble back in June when I opened the book in the first place and things have yet to get better.  They've only gotten worse.  How ironic?  So right now, I 'm just going through the motions of life.  Who cares anyway, right?  I'll die of AIDS before I'm even thirty.

And I also hate to admit it but I've become a major kleptomaniac.  I steal personal, make-up, and beauty products as well as jewelry from either Walgreen's or Target just about every day.  If I would have know that it was this easy to shoplift, I honestly would have done so a long time ago.  I've never been much of a thief until now.  People probably wouldn't be surprised anyway.  I'm Black, trendy, and gay.  Even though, that stereotype is besides the point.  Enough for today.  I'm getting ready to crack open another Joan Lowery Nixon novel.  Let me lose myself for a moment.

who's keith CRUSHING ON?

I'll admit it.  I have a little crush on this young guy here at the shelter.  Not that I'm trying to push up on him, I just want to get to know more about him.  For some reason, he seems very interesting to me. 

For starters, his name is James.  He introduced himself a couple of weeks ago.  It's kind of crazy how he did so.  One early morning, I was sitting with my head laid on a table.  He then taps the table, waking me up from my slumber mind you, and asks why I'm in the shelter.  I replied that it is due to family issues.  He then gives me his name and for the next minute and a half he tells me a little more about himself.  He explained that he is 22 years of age with 6 kids, how he had his own place but lost it due to his drug conviction, and how the place he was staying prior to living at the shelter was raided for drugs and he was forced to leave.  He explained that he had no high school diploma and how he was going to get a job at BWI making $15 an hour.  I mean he gave all of this information and I just listened.  I was a little intrigued.  As you all know, I'm not much of a talker but a good listener.  I doubt he'll get that job though.

Shortly thereafter, we get on the topic of sexuality.  He asks if I'm bisexual or homosexual.  He said that he could tell that I was at least bisexual.  He then tells me that he's bisexual and that no one suspects it.  And he's right, actually.  He then says in the exact words, "I'm tryna fuck, so what's up?"  And I politely shut him down.  He says, "Why?  I'm not your type." and I say, "No, it's not that.  I'm just not interested."  For the record, he is definitely fuckable unlike all of the other losers trying to push up on yours truly.  I'm just over my "promiscuous phase" as I like to call it.  I don't want sex before love or commitment.

Anyways, he let's me know that he's a TOP and he gives me his phone number.  He says, "Don't take my number, if you're not going to call."  And I said, "I'll call."  Well, I haven't called but i did send him a text message a few days ago.  He never texted back though.  For some reason, I think he misplaced his phone or he's out of minutes.  By the way, he's sitting in front of me , as I write.

You know how you're heart just goes out to someone.  That's exactly how I feel.  He's younger than I am and I wish him the best.  He seems like a well-mannered young man.  I don't know his full situation, but I really do wish him the best.  Judging by the ID badge around his neck, he's apparently in a work therapy program.  And I could tell that he goes to NA meetings judging by the 30, 60, 90 days clean key chains hanging from his knapsack.  Although, today those key chains aren't hanging from his knapsack.  I hope he hasn't relapsed.  Enough about him for now.

Well, I'll tell you a little more .  I would consider him to be dark-skinned and he's about 5' 7" with a medium build.  And yes, he's cute but not in a clean-cut kind of way.  He's rugged looking and he walks like a gangster.  Okay, enough.  I doubt we'll ever be friends.  We're probably on total opposite ends of the spectrum.  I just hope I get to see him become a success.  I'll be sure to pray for him tonight.

what's keith WATCHING?