I just got back from having lunch with Kenny. I know, what a surprise? He called me around noon and said that he was downtown and wanted to meet me for lunch. He even offered to pay for the Chinese food I ordered, however, I refused. It was really good to see him. I last saw him on November 18, 2010.
We hardly talked during lunch. I mean, we didn't converse much. At one point, I had got so filled with emotion that I almost broke down and cried right in front of him. I didn't, but it was one heck of a time trying to hold back those tears. Why did I want to cry? Well, I always feel like crying. Where do I ever begin? I just miss him so much and I honestly don't think anyone ever understands me. I'm restless and stuck in a rut here at the shelter. I don't see any progress on my part or better yet, a brighter future. I'm still mad at Glenda (who I will no longer refer to as mother) and Alice (who I will no longer refer to as grandmother).
{Deep breath.} I'm just tired of dealing with my problems and I'm honestly tired of writing about them. I continue to read my Bible daily. I don't see the point in it, but I do it anyways. It seems as though my world started to crumble back in June when I opened the book in the first place and things have yet to get better. They've only gotten worse. How ironic? So right now, I 'm just going through the motions of life. Who cares anyway, right? I'll die of AIDS before I'm even thirty.
And I also hate to admit it but I've become a major kleptomaniac. I steal personal, make-up, and beauty products as well as jewelry from either Walgreen's or Target just about every day. If I would have know that it was this easy to shoplift, I honestly would have done so a long time ago. I've never been much of a thief until now. People probably wouldn't be surprised anyway. I'm Black, trendy, and gay. Even though, that stereotype is besides the point. Enough for today. I'm getting ready to crack open another Joan Lowery Nixon novel. Let me lose myself for a moment.
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