why is keith SHAKING HIS HEAD?

why is keith LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF?

what's keith DOING?

So it's day three at the homeless shelter.  I hate to say it but it's really not that bad.  In fact, more than half of us don't even look homeless.  Who knew?  I still stick out like a sore thumb yet I don't feel even the slightest bit afraid or judged.  The staff as well as the other homeless people are pretty nice.  Now while I'm painting this perfect portrait, I also have to state that the shelter is not glamorous by any means, but that's to be expected.  I feel so ashamed, uncomfortable and dirty.  In fact, I haven't taken a shower in over forty-eight hours.  I'm going to take a shower tomorrow.  Yep, this shelter has all of the amenities.  I'm talking soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, towels, sheets, blankets, and mats to sleep on at night. 

Also an observation to note- Everybody is old as hell.  Like I'm the youngest guy here.  Just about everybody looks to be over forty years old.  And do you think everybody looks homeless?  Wrong.  Most have on fresh kicks, decent clothes and money in their pockets.  Now, don't get me wrong.  There are a few busted individuals, but that's also to be expected.  And a lot of people could use a nice hot shower right about now.  Although my nose is getting used to the foul smell.  I probably smell like straight up ass to the outside world. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm still thinking.  I'm not even sure if I'm going to show up for my court date in a couple of days.  I have to figure out how to get there first, if anything.  I was advised by the police to seek a psychiatric evaluation.  That bitch claims that I'm crazy.  That's her defense in a nutshell.  Well, if I'm crazy, then that bitch is schizophrenic.

I'm still weighing heavily on my options.  I think I might ask my grandmother to take me in.  Or who knows?  Maybe that bitch will let me stay at one of her rental properties.  I honestly don't know how long I can take living in this shelter.  By the way, it's the JHR shelter.  What the J-H-R stands for is beyond me.  On account of the climate, the shelter can't turn anyone down.  With that being said, the shelter is only so big.  So, most of us end up in the "overflow" category which means that a bus picks us up at night and we're then taken to another location.  Where is that location?  The University of Maryland gymnasium.  Yes sir.  There's close to one hundred fifty mats laid out on the gymnasium floor to sleep on.  What a humbling experience? 

Well back to my point.  When the weather begins to warm up, I was told that only the first two hundred people are allowed to stay at the shelter.  And the "overflow"... What "overflow"?  They all get turned away.  So, I gotta look at my other options while I still have shelter.  More stories from the truly homeless coming up tomorrow.  FYI.  I haven't taken a shit in three days.  And yes you need to know that.

what's keith DOING?

Okay.  I'm officially homeless.  As if I needed to make it official.  I'm sitting in a homeless shelter as I type.  So how did I end up here?  Long story.  Lucky you have all the time in the world.  (And if you're wondering "that bitch" I'm referring to is my estranged mother.  She is dead to me at the moment.  If she died today, I wouldn't attend her funeral.  And that's putting it nicely.)

A couple nights ago, I was sitting at home watching TV when that bitch called.  I figured it was her so I refused to answer.  I didn't answer her call because in my opinion she calls the house way too much as it is for no other reason but to ask me to do something.  Well, when I don't answer, she has a habit of repeatedly calling.  I'm talking five or six times in a row.  So, I eventually answer the phone and the first thing she asked me was if I used her car that day.  And I sarcastically replied, "Yes".  She then asks me why I drove her car without asking her first.  I then sharply reminded her that she requested that I go to her West Lanvale Street home and shovel the snow just a couple hours prior.  So, her dumb ass gives me that ultimate "Oh" remark which is what she says when she forgets something, gives misinformed information or when she's just caught out there.  

Okay, so we're past that.  She then proceeds to ask me to come outside and shovel snow out of the street because her car keeps getting stuck in the snow.  I then explained to her that I couldn't because my back and arms hurt from shoveling snow all day.  It was a lie but do you think her fat lazy ass was sympathetic?  Hell no.  So, I go straight outside with no coat on and ask her exactly what she wants me to do and yes, I gave her tons of attitude.  I threw a hissy fit like no other and I will admit that it was uncalled for.  But I was just so pissed off that my mother can never do anything without asking for help.  Shit, it's not like her fat ass couldn't use the exercise. 

In the heat of the war of words, we were both calling each other names.  She then tells me to pack my shit and I tell her that I'll pack her shit too.  She also tells me to leave her house and I tell her "if I'm leaving, she'll be dead".  I made that remark as I was walking back to the house to put a coat on.  Well apparently when I was in the house, that bitch called the police and they arrived shortly thereafter.

So, here's where the story gets interesting.  That bitch and the police enter the home and they call me downstairs.  I had on my Mint Julep mask and I was actually in the middle of flossing my teeth.  Talk about embarrassing, but I didn't care.  I then proceed downstairs and the terror begins.  I was questioned repeatedly while that bitch told a book of lies.  To shorten the story, I was ultimately asked to leave her home or go to jail.  She had gotten an order of protection based on the fact that I threatened her which I will admit to.  However, she has threatened me on numerous of occasions and I never once called the police on her.  

What a bitch?  I hope she rots in hell.  And if I decide to follow through with my thoughts, she'll be there a lot sooner than anticipated. 

Back to the story.  While that bitch and the police were out fulfilling an order of protection, I went straight back into the house.  And I was there up until about 05:00 PM yesterday which is when I was officially served and ordered by law not to enter that bitch's premises.  Thankfully, one of the cops was nice enough to drive me to the downtown homeless shelter. 

Who would have thought that I would have sunken this low?  Especially since I have consistently read my bible and pray daily.  Well, I guess God doesn't want me to read it because I don't have it with me.  It's kind of hard to carry one when you have to confine all of your belongings into two bags maximum, if you know what I mean.  I'm so mad right now that I could spit in the face of God.  Although, I would never have the guts to do so.  Yet, I'm sure this is the beginning of "No more Mr. Nice Guy".  This is beginning to be a bit much considering that I really am a nice person.  I don't believe that I deserve this.  Come on, I'm sleeping next to drug addicts and felons.  Well, I'm officially bitter, so fuck the world.  It feels like no one, not even God, is in my corner.

So what am I going to do?  I'm constantly thinking about it.  It's not like I have anything else to do but think, of course.  I could ask my grandmother to take me in.  She resides in Florida.  I think that would ultimately mean a new life that I really don't want.  Or I could fill out a blank check from that bitches account and burn her house down.  I've got that plan all figured out.  Or I could just kill that bitch.  I've got that plan figured out as well.  I'm weighing heavily on my first two options.  I don't have the heart to kill her even though every ounce of my body wants to.  She did try to help me out and I took her for granted.  Either way, she might as well be six feet under because she is dead to me, just like my father.  More of the story tomorrow.  (Girl, I'm tired of typing on this small ass iPhone.  I need my Dell notebook.)

what's keith LOOKING AT?

[Awe]  How cute are they?

what's keith LAUGHING AT?

Thumbs up for creativity.

what's keith WATCHING?

I have to say that I am a huge fan of Keke Palmer.  I think she has grown into such a beautiful and positive young lady.  For those of you who missed out on her first album, So Uncool, shame on you.  That album is definitely a keeper.  Anyways, Keke P. is coming to us with her new single, "The One You Call".  I first featured this song HERE.  I love the song and I can't wait for her sophomore album.  By the way, I have to ask.  Am I the only young adult who catches her show, True Jackson VP,  from time to time?  I didn't think so.

what's keith STARING AT?

I seem to be obsessing over this picture.  I can't get enough.

Wouldn't we all love waking up next to that every morning?



what's keith SCRUBBING WITH?

If I could sum up this body scrub in just one word, I would use the word moisturizing.  This would have to be, hands down, one of my favorite body scrubs.  Boots Mediterranean Mint Melon & Sugar body scrub contains stimulating mint oil, spirit-raising canteloupe extract as well as thousands of tiny sugar granules to smooth and exfoliate the skin.  The texture of the scrub is like that of a paste, yet it's non-greasy and leaves your skin smooth, soft and refreshed.  The best part about this scrub would have to be it's fragrance.  It has a strong, crisp, and minty yet fruity smell.  Don't worry though.  The smell is not overpowering at all.  I bought this product at my local Target for fifteen dollars, however it only costs ten dollars on the Target website. 

what's keith LAUGHING AT?

who's keith MISSING?

A year ago from today's date marks the day that my beloved gray 2007 Honda Civic EX with Navigation was repossessed.  I really miss her.  Lisa was her name and when I would get lost, she would always be there to guide me safely back home.  She was repossessed by Capital One because I couldn't afford to keep up with the payments.  I first bought Lisa at the end of August of 2008.  I paid about $23K for her and to be honest, I probably could've gotten a better deal for her.  I wish I would have known that then but regardless, I was so happy to own my first brand new car.  She was my biggest purchase to date.  To make a long story short, I started falling behind on my payments starting in August of 2010.  And you already know why. 

Rewind to January 23, 2010.  I would say it was early afternoon and I planned on leaving to go to the barber shop and get my hair cut.  Well, I opened the front door to step outside and I noticed that my car wasn't in the driveway.  Surprised, I stepped back in the house and I then asked Kenny where he had parked the car being as though he drove it the prior day.  He said that he had parked it right outside.  Right then I basically knew the inevitable.  I then called Capital One and was hit with the bad news.  In my mind, I knew that day was coming.  I just wasn't expecting it on that day.

Poor Lisa.  I'm so sorry I put you through all of this.  I still carry your key on my keychain.  I just hope you're in good hands.  I probably won't ever be able to afford a spankin' brand new car for years to come.  Anyhoo, I miss you Lisa.



what's keith LISTENING TO?

"Not Even Human" by Angel Taylor

I have been taken before
You're not the first to rob me of my peace and my sanity
You've taken all my peace and my sanity
You must have been kidding with that whole romantic love spell
or maybe I just didn't hear you right
You run over my heart and then ask for it back
You must think that that's alright
Well its not alright

But you're not even human
You're just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to
become the girl on the piano bench
singing all of her tears away

So did you feel sorry for me
or was i some charity case that you thought you could save?
Well I was better off, not ever knowing your name
I was so much better off

Cuz you're not even human
You're just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to
become the girl on the piano bench
singing all of her tears away
all of her tears away

what's keith LISTENING TO?

"Toy Soldier" by Keri Hilson

what's keith USING?

The first time I ever saw this product was on my ex-boyfriend's bathroom counter almost four years ago.  The name of the ex-boyfriend in question is Tuhir Smith and he suffered from severe pseudofilliculitis barbae or razor bumps.  Anyhow, this post is not about my ex-boyfriend but rather this phenomenal product he doesn't even know he introduced me too.  You see I only started shaving about five years ago and shortly thereafter I started experiencing razor bumps.  I partly blame the Gillette Power Fusion, which was the razor blade I was using at the time, although it was more than likely caused by my shaving technique.  Anyway, one day while in Walmart scanning through the men's skin care aisle, I stumble upon Bump Patrol and instantly recognized it.  Since my ex-boyfriend used it I decided to give it a try.  Since then, Bump Patrol has been a staple in my skin care regime. 

Thanks to this product I hardly ever get any razor bumps.  I use it nightly and apply it around my mustache and goatee.  Now I will say that this product is very harsh on the skin.  When used shortly after shaving, I do experience an extreme burning sensation.  Also, the treatment does leave my skin very dry and tight.  I use the Original Strength formula, so the formula for sensitive skin is something I should look into.  I really didn't even know Bump Patrol developed a formula for sensitive skin until today, so I will definitely be giving that a try.  Bump Patrol can be used on any area of the body where you have shaved.  In fact, I've discovered that many women even use this treatment on their underarms, legs, or bikini area.  I don't mean to come off sounding like a bad infomercial but it really does do everything it promises.  And don't you wish that every skin care product really did what it claims?

what's keith LISTENING TO?

"I Can't Make You Love Me" by Tank

what's keith USING?

This product really doesn't need much of an introduction.  I'm sure everyone already knows the wonders and many uses of Vaseline, so I won't bore you all.  It's just that during these winter months I have become more dependant on Vaseline than I ever have in the past.  My skin is dryer now than it has ever been.  I blame the dry, winter air as well as my skin care regimen.  Every morning and night, I apply Vaseline to the dry, flaky areas on my face which tend to be the areas around my eyes, through my temples and the center of my forehead.  Pretty much my t-zone.  I haven't seemed to find a product that works better than petroleum jelly.  The only downside to Vaseline is that it's pretty greasy.  Yeah, I look a little like I've been frying chicken on my forehead, but I'm well moisturized.

what's keith WATCHING?

Let me start off by saying that I am a huge fan of the Jerry Springer show.  Outside of Oprah, it's my favorite talk show.  Thanks to DVR, I record and watch it daily.  Here's where I might get a little prejudice.  I tend to only watch the segments that either consist of African Americans or homosexuals.  Honestly, I find segments consisting of other demographics a little boring, so I always fast-foward through them.  I know I'm not the only one who does this.  No offense but I can't take too much of toothless trailor park trash however I could watch the gays all day.  Those segments are so ratchet, there's no way they can be scripted.  By the way, if I ever attend a taping of the show, I am definitely getting my Jerry Beads.  Take a look at this interesting segment of the show.

what's keith LISTENING TO?

what's keith LISTENING TO?

I hate to say it but I don't really feel like anyone is truly there for me. 
So, I guess "I'll be there" for myself.

what's keith LISTENING TO?

"I'm coming home, I'm coming home.  Tell the world that I'm coming home.
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesturday.

I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes.

I'm coming home, I'm coming home.  Tell the world that I'm coming home."

Coming Home by Diddy- Dirty Money featuring Skylar Grey

what's keith NOT DOING?

Today was the date for my court summons and guess what?  I didn't go.  It was scheduled at noon.  I know what you're going to say.  That's very irresponsible of me and I should have showed up.  However, I just knew that there was no way in hell that the judge would rule in my favor.  I have no defense.  I was irresponsible and neglected to my Capital One credit card bill.   So now, I'm sure Capital One wins the judgement by default.  No surprise there.  It looks like I owe $2,107.90 plus the attorney fee of $316.18 plus any court costs.  I have no idea how they are going to get their money because I am broke.  I have only $66 to my name.  I just hope they don't try to garnish my wages.  Although, I'm sure they are going to.  I mean, wouldn't you?

Also, to make matters worse, I was also issued another court summons about a week ago.  This time FIA Card Services is suing me for $5,726.56.  The court date is set for March 2.  I'm definitely going to attend that one.  I think the best thing for me to do right now is file bankruptcy.  The only thing is that I can't even afford to do that.  I need a job and it doesn't look like I'll have one any time soon.  I have applied for numerous job openings and I haven't really even recieved any callbacks.  I'm starting to lose all hope.  I just pray things get better.  I know there are a ton of people who would switch lives with me even with all of my circumstances.  So, I'll continue to look towards the sky and pray that things will get better.

is keith THROUGH WITH LOVE?

I hate to say it but I'm through with love.  I'm starting to believe that I'm supposed to be by myself.  In fact, I tell myself everyday that it's my destiny to be married to myself.  That way, I won't ever get my hopes up.  Love has done nothing but blind me, distract me, lie to and deceive me.  At the moment, I realize that I'm just sulking.  I know that time heals all wounds, yet I don't see love anywhere in the near future. 


I only want love if it comes with honesty.  And to be truthful, I'm not much of an honest person.  It's hard for me to reveal who I really am to someone.  I know this because Kenny is the only person in the world I've been completely honest with.  Kenny knows just about everything about me and  I don't know if I can ever be so revealing with anyone else.  I'm very much an introvert and it takes a lot for me.  I've made a promise to myself that I will no longer tolerate the lies or deceit from anyone including myself.  It's just not worth it to me anymore.  And I'm okay with being by myself until I find a true love that's centered around honesty.

who's keith REMINDED OF?

It's funny. The first and only time I have ever seen Kenny cry was when he was watching the music video for "Miracle" by Mrs. Whitney Houston. I know, I know, Kenny is such a pussy, but it was kind of cute, if I say so myself. Anyways, Kenny this one is for you.

who's keith THINKING ABOUT?

"Friend of Mine", by Kelly Price featuring Ronald Isley and R. Kelly, takes me right back to the Summer of 1998.  Talk about deja vu.  I remember when my father would blast this song in the car during our hour long drives to the pool.  The song would literally play every ten minutes on the radio and we would sing along every time.  Just one of the many memories of my dad.

My father has since passed away.  He died on May 6, 2007.  Growing up, my father wasn't really around much.  I always wondered what kind of relationship I would have with my father once I became an adult.  I never thought that there would be no relationship.  I miss him and I wish things were different.  (There's a whole list of things I wish were different.  Yeah, yeah, join the club, you say.)  Anyway, to make up for lost time, he better be watching over me.  If not, I'll be sure to whip his alcoholic ass when I cross over much like he used to beat mine.  

what's keith's PURPOSE IN LIFE?

I truly believe that everyone has a purpose in life.  A calling, if you will.  So, what's my purpose?  I haven't got a clue.  I'm only 23 years of age.  Should I know my calling in life by now?  I'm sure I'll have an answer in due time.  So, what's your purpose?  Looks like Miss Spensha Baker already knows hers.

who does keith ADMIRE?

Let me formally introduce you all to Justin Terry-Smith.  He's an openly gay male living with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus.  Sit back and watch his story, and I'm sure you'll gain as much insight as I have.  I truly admire Justin for being so open and honest especially when I'm sure he constantly feels judged.  Hopefully one day soon, I'll go get tested and seek treatment.  And hopefully one day in the near future, I too will share my story. (Oh, Wait, I already am.) 

what's keith DOING?

I'm just sitting on my bed, face covered in Queen Helene's Mint Julep Masque, and I'm trying not to get depressed while reading the February issue of Seventeen magazine.  Of course, the issue is dedicated to Valentine's Day and it really got me thinking about the fact that I've never really had an enjoyable and  romantic Valentine's Day.  And unfortunately this year, I can't expect anything different.  Even when I was in a relationship, I can't recall ever really enjoying February the fourteenth for whatever reason.  Okay, enough of me sulking.  I have to remember that it's a new year and that I have to continue to look on the bright side of everything.  It's just so hard being lonely, although I really should be used to it by now.  Another post from the lonely and broken-hearted.  I'm sure there's more to come.

why is keith LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF?

why is keith LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF?

why is keith LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF?

will keith HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR?

Twenty-Ten was the worst year of my natural born life.  However, I won't let that affect how I look at the New Year.  I pray that the New Year brings peace, progress, and a job.  But anyway, the verdict is still out on whether or not I will truly have a Happy New Year.  Only time will tell and as always, I'll keep you guys informed.